


It Ain't Easy Being Green

by TheMovieDoctorful



Category: Harley Quinn (Comics), Poison Ivy (Comics), The Incredible Hulk (Comics)
Genre: Death, Disease, F/F, F/M, Growth, Makeover, Mortality, Open Relationships, Polyamory, Redemption, Romance, marvel/dc crossover - Freeform, self love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 20:56:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18506941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMovieDoctorful/pseuds/TheMovieDoctorful
Summary: Emil Blonsky escapes the villainous Leader by the skin of his teeth. but not unscathed. He finds himself in a new world with new enemies, taken in by a beautiful woman who reminds him of his past.





	It Ain't Easy Being Green

In a pile of garbage in a dumpster once again. What does it say about my life when its latest highs are marked by me covered in trash in alleys that even Mr. Hyde himself would avoid? Not that I'm complaining. The people who live in these places are humble and good. Everything that the rest of the world could learn from. They may not have college degrees they shouldn't have to pay for or win an assembly of medals at Award Shows that were rigged, but they have a wisdom that their more educated contemporaries don't share. Intelligence is not a sufficient replacement for wisdom. Take it from a man who jumped at the chance to turn himself into a monster just so he could get punched in the face repeatedly for a country that wouldn't spit on him if he were aflame.

I try to prop myself up to move, but it's no use. A wave of pain crackles all along my back, I give out a small cry on impulse to the unexpected sensation. You'd think I'd just lost another fight with Banner, but for once, he was out of sight and out of mind. The last thing I remember before ending up in this dumpster was The Leader shooting me with some kind of dart. A toxin, I didn't have time to analyze. I remember him gloating and him making a rather bone-headed and nonsensical metaphor to Icarus (Leave it to Sterns to not know his intellectual boundaries. Literature was always my expertise, nuclear energy his) and I remember a particularly foggy memory of me entering some kind of portal. It's all a blur.

"Okay, Emil," I tell myself. It was amazing how many people had forgotten my human name, I liked to use it whenever possible. "Just think of it like setting a broken bone." I gritted my teeth, shutting my eyes tightly as I exerted all my energy to fight through my intense pain. The good news is that I was able to pull myself out of the dumpster. The bad news was that my physical feat only increased my agony double. I gave a roar of suffering as I hauled myself high from the odorous metal container onto the ground. When I hit the harsh, rough pavement below with a thud, I went silent. The pain was almost too intense for me to vocalize. 

I cried. Not just due to the intense physical torment, but at everything that had brought me here. Cried for that fateful night when I chose to undergo the same experiment Bruce endured to become the Hulk. Cried for every night I was away from my wife Nadia, and for every night she had thought me dead. Cried for every chance I had to be...Something...Anything...Taken from me. 

And then it proceeded to rain. 

Not the refreshing, cool, comforting rain of a beautiful Spring evening. That kind is lovely. Rather harsh, cold, mucky rain, the kind of rain that prompts the immediate sensation of wanting to take a shower among any who endures it. 

Talk about the Blonsky luck. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of 2 women. I couldn't get too good a look at them in my current state, delirious from pain, but one appeared to be wearing a jester outfit of sorts. The other...Let's just say that few things in this world render me utterly speechless. Maybe I was just seeing things in my condition, but she was one of them. Her lush red hair, her supple black lips, her deep green eyes. Her light green skin, similar in coloration to my own, again made me question the reality of what I was gazing upon. They looked upon my pathetic, monstrous, hulking form with an emotion I had not experienced in quite a long time; concern. I haven't had anyone care for my well being since I was living at the sanctuary. It was enough to make me dry my tears and cease my pathetic sobbing. Even a monster like me has some pride. 

I had hoped to pull myself up to an upright position to greet them more formally, but it was no use. I couldn't bear the pain I'd experience having to support my full body weight. I could barely even raise my arms. The best I could do was swallow my pride and moan out a deep and strained, "Heeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeee...Pleeeeeeeeease."

It was utterly pitiable, a low even for me, but they seemed sympathetic and I didn't have many other options. They conversed with each other for a bit deciding what their next course of action was going to be before walking towards me. That was the signal I needed to let the sweet caress of unconsciousness take me. Maybe, if I was lucky, it would be for good. 

***

I woke up in a well-lit basement floor, a black carpet draped over me like a blanket. You heard me, a carpet. Not even a rug, someone felt the need to use a full carpet to cover my 6'8, 980 lb frame. All around me was a whole encyclopedia of plant species. Hybrids, mutants and everything in between. More fascinating, some even appeared to be sentient in nature. Even The Leader wasn't likely to have a botanical menagerie this impressive. Thankfully, while my pain still throbbed through my body, it was much less crippling than before. I could move and I could function, which is more than I could have said earlier.

I heard some steps drop down from upstairs. A cute blonde in pigtails wearing a white tank top and briefs gave a crooked smile upon seeing my stirred state. 

"Wakey, wakey, Lizard Wizard!" she shrieked. 

"L-Lizard Wizard?" I asked, confused. 

The blonde shrugged. "You're new around here and I didn't know what name you were going for, so I kinda just winged it? The 'Wizard' part was kind've a risk on my part, but rhymin' names are always fun...You do have magical powers, dontcha?"

"Apart from supernaturally bad luck?" I asked. "No."

She gave an exaggerated frown, kicking the air childishly. "Darn. Well, ya' can't fault a girl for tryin', right? Well, what name do you go by?"

"They call me Abom..." 

I stopped myself. I hated that name. It's not the kind of name anybody bestows upon themselves, but a title given to them. All it did was remind me of my mother. And the police who took her away. 

"My name is Emil Blonsky." I told her. "My...Other name...doesn't matter."

She gave a look of skepticism, the kind of look any other person would give to me sporting a name like 'Lizard Wizard.' 

"Well, hun, we're gonna have to change that together." she told me. "That kinda name doesn't exactly strike fear into the hearts of your enemies. 'Oh, watch out for Emil Blonsky!'"

Her mocking comment, juvenile as it was, got a smile out of me. I forgot how good that felt; a genuine smile. 

She extended her hand to mine, a wide smile on her face, immediately making me feel welcome. "Harley Quinn, nice to meetcha!" 

I shook her hand firmly, surprised at just how strong her grip was. She shook my arm up and down as if she were a child giving a handshake to an adult, making that critically rare smile of mine last even longer. 

"Well, Harley Quinn, I'm honored." I replied. "You were with a friend when I saw you in the alley. Is she anywhere nearby?”

"Speak of the Devil," I heard a sultry voice from above say. "And she shall appear."

The enchanting red-headed figure I had seen earlier slowly walked down the stairs. She was wearing black sweatpants and a green tanktop. Her large, green eyes were perceptive and intelligent, her face looking like a cast of the angels my mother had told me about in her Bible stories. I could see quite clearly this time that my first view of her had not deceived me; her flawless, soft skin was indeed green. Though not a harsh, dark green like mine, but a soft, lighter green. She certainly wore it far better than I. 

"Pamela." she said, extending her hand towards me. "Pamela Isley. I go by Poison Ivy."


End file.
